Hello lovely ladies of Falkirk Vineyard! My name is Moira and it turns out I’m also a blogger now! I think we have mentioned in previous blog posts how much some of us love a medical drama. I’m a big fan of Grey’s Anatomy and ER back in the day, maybe you like a wee bit of Holby City or maybe some Casualty? Maybe some of you are not a fan of medical dramas at all and have seen enough of the real inside of hospitals to last a lifetime.
Something that all hospitals have in common (real or imaginary) is the use of triage when there is an emergency. People are split into categories depending on the severity of illness or trauma. I have realised that I use a triage system when it comes to the problems or issues in my life. The huge problems I take to God, I pray, seek His Will, ask others for prayer. I mostly have that covered. The small problems I keep to myself, Ok, so I know God knows them already even before they happen but I’m skipping ahead.
Let me give you an example: Christmas 2016 I was singing with a choir. I had been going to practices for weeks and we were a few weeks away from our performances. I came home from work one night and was feeling a bit overwhelmed, not the breakdown sobbing snotty type of overwhelmed but just the over tired I can’t work out how to fit everything in type. I thought I can’t do this choir thing, I’m just going to tell them I can’t do it. Now I pride (oof pride) myself on being a really reliable person who turns up when they say they are going to and all that stuff, I was really torn, however in the grand scheme of life it really wasn’t a big problem. In truth there were lots of people singing my part so they wouldn’t have missed me. I just wasn’t sure. I debated it for a while, called my mum, called a friend, I didn’t take it to God though, I thought it was too small and I didn’t want to bother Him?!?!?!?
I was going to small group that night and I thought maybe i’ll mention it. I didn’t say anything at prayer time, it seemed such a stupid small thing to mention. We had ministry time, the faithful, brave Megan Cormack (whom I didn’t know that well at the time and who didn’t know I sang in a choir) said she had a word for me. She wasn’t sure if it made sense but would tell me anyway. She said that she saw me standing on a stage alone with a spotlight on me, God wants me to know that He is listening to my voice, He wants to hear me…well that’ll do it, God had answered my question even though I thought it wasn’t worthy of an answer. He had searched me and knew me and loved me, even in the smallest problems in life He was my God. Do you want to know what the best part was? The whole time I was singing with the choir I knew God wanted me there, I knew He was listening. He blessed me beyond my expectations, He filled me up and gave me more than I had imagined.
I had triaged this problem. I had decided not to bother God with it because it was too small. Did I think He wouldn’t have the time?? Did I think He couldn’t be bothered?? Did I think He would say really? you again! I’ve got bigger issues to deal with?? I was looking at God through human lenses, I was missing the point.
“I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the Lord’s holy people , to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know that this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure is all the fullness of God.” -- Ephesians 3:17--19
We’ve got to try and grasp it, his love is all consuming, all knowing, unfathomable, unsurpassable and real. Grasp it with all you have. He loves you to the fullness of all that He is just as you are right at that moment. Don’t let go of that truth no matter how small you think the problem is, take all of it to Him.
Finally, a huge shout out to Megan. She didn’t think what she had to say made sense but she said it anyway. God used her to bless me in ways I hadn’t imagined. If you feel like God has given you something to say just follow Megan’s example and go for it. What’s the worst that can happen ? If your worried about feeling silly just remember that top NASA scientists once asked a female astronaut if a hundred tampons were enough for a seven day mission!
A very warm hello to all my fellow blog readers! My name is Megan Cormack and I am very pleased to be featured on this amazing blog – can we take a second to recognise the ladies who organise this for our reading? You guys are brilliant, and the blogs so far have been so amazingly beautiful and funny. So far being the key words I think lol, no pressure – right?
So I’m going to jump right in and be so honest with you which I think may make me sweat just a little bit – my Mum would always say, “Ladies don’t sweat, they glisten”. So Mum, I’m glistening writing this! My husband’s name is Stuart, you probably know him, but if you don’t, he is the love of my life, an amazing, thoughtful and attentive husband (well most of the time). I just thought I’d make that clear before we start this story….you’ll see why.
Stuart and I LOVE to travel, any of you who know us are probably completely fed up with our constant stream of travel pictures on Facebook, but we thank you for not deleting us! We would like to have children in the future but before we do we have made it our aim to travel and see the world while we can still afford to. Every penny we have spare goes to our traveling. So let’s get to the story, we were on a cruise, our first ever cruise! We loved it, and we were in Asia for the first time!! The cruise started in Singapore, travelled to Thailand for two days, then onto Vietnam and finally halted to a stop in Hong Kong. We were having a beautiful time, enjoying being the only ones on board born in the 90s, or 80s or 70s for that fact haha! When we went on tours, due to our advantage of speediness we were always first off the boat and into a taxi! Perks of being born in the 90’s never ends.
One of our favourite things on the boat was the surf simulator – We spent days surfing and mastering the massive, gnarly waves! Otherwise known as the tiny artificial ones, but I consider it real surfing – right?! Anyways we were getting to be pretty much pros, waiting for someone to scout us out for the next big surf championship. Somewhere in the oceans between Thailand and Vietnam the unthinkable happened….We went, as we had done countless times before to hone our pro surf skills but this day everyone was boogie boarding, so being as skilled as we were (lol) we thought we’d be great! Stuart took his stance, dived in on the boogie board and popped up to his knees like a well-practiced boarder!
My turn was next, I dived in, steadied myself on the wave and popped up to my knees, I was not as skilled it seemed as I got wiped out. I got to my knees in the waves and stood up only to realise my new bathing suit I’d put on that morning may not have been the quality I expected. My top was only protecting the modesty of my belly button and my bottoms….well let’s just say I was not best pleased. A kind bystander handed me a tower as I was manically smiling at all the people in the unusually long line beside the wave machine, pretending nothing was wrong, while everyone laughed ‘with me, not at me’. Nudity? It’s totally fine…not! Meanwhile inside I was literally dying, mortified. I made my way to the edge where Stuart was standing, all the while literally praying the ground would swallow me up, and when I reached him through my fake smile I whispered (as to not let down the persona of ‘totally fine!’) “We need to go right now”. His response I hear you ask? “No? it’s my turn? I’ve been waiting?” and off he went to once again perfect the boogie boarding ways, leaving me trying to sort my bathing suit under my newly gifted towel.
Just to be clear Stuart does care, later I realised he had been filming me but when I fell he turned around to put our camera away and missed the whole ordeal! To this day he wishes it had been on camera, to this day I am celebrating that it’s not.
When I think back on this story it always makes me laugh, but at the same time a very deep pit in my stomach arises, I was SOOO embarrassed! How could I not be? There’s many things in my life that I have felt embarrassed by, some that I have purposefully done and regretted, some situations others have forced me to live, and some, like this one, that have been by absolute complete chance (or a faulty/ill-fitting bathing suit)! Many of these situations in life have left me embarrassed, ashamed and most overwhelmingly, afraid. I suffered for years with my self-worth and my shame and fear of what could happen at any moment. I found myself obsessing over worst case scenarios. But how good is our God? Today I can stand and I can stand free! Maybe not as free as I was on that boat that day….but free indeed! I have learned that through all the embarrassment of life, all the things that unjustly cause me shame, and all the things that ignite fear in my soul have been defeated. I have learned that He has gone before me and that I will get things wrong but that doesn’t make His love for me any less, He will not walk away. I don’t have to be fearful of Him leaving me or deserting me. I don’t have to ask for Him to protect me, He does it because I am His daughter and His creation and He loves me! HE loves ME!
Throughout life I have found it so hard to believe that I’m loved and like a wave over me God has revealed this time and time again. No matter your walk, no matter your shame or embarrassment, He is constant, He is never-ending and true. He will not leave you and he WILL NOT forsake you. In a world where evil is ever present and around us, He is your protection and your shield, cling to Him in times of need for He will fight for you. The road to forgiving yourself is emotional and hard, the road to forgiving others, for me, is much harder but the road to God’s forgiveness is very short. You have it, you’re one sentence away, talk to Him and believe in His love for you, listen to Him as He whispers your worth over and over to you. You are His daughter, you are made in His image, you are loved and accepted by the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords and the Almighty Prince of Peace.
All my love,
Thoughts, experiences, and encouragement from the ladies of Falkirk Vineyard.